Seasons

I am a runner.

I want to run when things get hard or uncomfortable.

OK so I have never really abandoned something fully, but if you could hear my inner self it’s first response is: “Flee the scene. Get out!”

And the enemy knows this.

So he fuels the fire. “The easy route is to get out. Ignore a situation.” The enemy wants me to cut off relationships, hold grudges, think the worst, give up, avoid growing. He tells me how much better I’d be to avoid it.

But God also knows this about me. He’s there, quietly watching to see how I handle a situation. I’ve learned over the years that He wants me to trust Him, deal with LIFE, and grow in the process. Womp, womp. Not what I want to hear, but the Spirit is always there, whispering the right way to handle things. He knows best after all. And I am learning to “go with it” instead of run for my life.

When marriage seems too difficult, my first thought is getting out.

When friendships aren’t easy, I tend to distance myself.

When living here is too hard, I wanna get out and go back to Colorado where everything is familiar and comfortable.

When I go through something physically difficult, like health issues, I struggle to get through it with hope, faith and positivity. I feel like the season of trial will never end. And after the trial does pass, I am so uncomfortable with what happened, I never want to think of it again (like I still struggle to look at pictures of me in ICU on a breathing tube jammed down my throat, and I struggled for awhile attaching to Sparrow because she was the reason I went through what I went through, even though she personally has nothing to do with it). Some people look at the past situation with joy, thinking to themselves, “Look what I conquered! Look what I got through!” But I tend to fear it, hate it, regret it and never want to think of it again.

For a long time whenever something was too painful I thought of suicide.

But God wants us to dwell in the present, not run from it! He wants us to show endurance in the midst of hardship. Trust in Him through the process. Have joy amist dreary circumstances. Hope in knowing it won’t last forever.

I’ve been learning these things over the years… albeit slowly.

The hardest thing I’ve had to go through was those 10 days in the hospital. I was a zombie, completely at the mercy of several complications, medical professionals, an inability to care for myself, no sleep and a crying infant. In the midst of those trials I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. “This will never end,” is what I hear in my mind. I couldn’t even imagine being well again. It felt out of grasp.

The thing people kept reminding me over and over was, “This too shall pass.” Those four words really got me through. I had to continually tell myself that phrase.

Here I stand on the other side. That season DID pass. Nearly fully recovered, getting back into the groove of normalcy. And I’m OK. I didn’t die. God preserved me. He filled me back up with vitality and strength.

He always has preserved me. In every difficult situation.

He brings me through. And teaches me.

Makes me wiser, stronger, more faithful, less fearful.

Hard days don’t last forever.

Marriages can improve.

Relationships can be restored.

Health concerns can be healed.

Work problems can be fixed.

With God all things are possible.

With God we can endure the tests, the trials, the unfortunate events.

And we can Shine His Light through those hard moments.

And be joyful looking back on them, thanking God for His help.

***

Isaiah 40:31—but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

James 1:12—Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Matthew 6:26-27—Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

Psalm 62: 1-2—My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.